So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
