I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
