you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
