If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
