His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
