Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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