I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
