She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
