As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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