im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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