Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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