i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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