Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
