I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize