Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
