I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
