Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I forget how to act sober
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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