yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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