I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
