You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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