So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
