Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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