Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
