Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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