k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
