I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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