Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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