I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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