next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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