if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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