do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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