It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
