i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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