Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
