i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
