He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
