Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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