fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
