so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
