Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
