I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize