You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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