My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
