So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
