mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
