what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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