Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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