addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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