btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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