lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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