Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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