then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
