you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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