if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how can u be prego again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
