Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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