Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everything about him screamed your future.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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