i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mom said you looked used
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
