just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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