i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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