Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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