Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
