I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
